This fear that is perfectionism can often be traced back to early childhood messages – being valued purely for achievements such as: good manners, good grades, following rules, or for keeping up a certain appearance. It can also be traced to the messages we’re constantly bombarded with from the media and society as a whole (ie: images of the perfect body, home, lifestyle, etc.).
In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, author Brené Brown sums up this often debilitating state of mind:
“Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. It’s a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking that it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”
In my previous post on the topic, I discussed the telltale signs of perfectionism. Here, I offer 5 strategies that can help you overcome it:
Take Action/ Release Results - Perfectionism can kill a great idea before it’s had time to develop. “Rome wasn’t built in a day” as the saying goes. Neutralize the harsh inner judge that demands perfection right out the gate and go for “good enough” with each step. The merits of taking action far outweigh the importance of doing it right.
Be Aware of Self-Talk – I encourage my clients to monitor their inner dialogue, and when the voice of the inner critic relentlessly chides, “You’ll never amount to anything”, or “There’s no way you can do that!” – simply thank him or her for sharing and continue forward. Acknowledging the inner perfectionist – calling it out to say, “Hello, I see you”…even naming it (“Is that you again, Delores?”) can disarm its power.
Compare Yourself To Yourself/ Follow Your Gut – There will always be someone you perceive to have more than you. Focus on your accomplishments as they relate to your values rather than those of “the Jones” next door. Make your decisions based on what’s right for you as opposed to the opinions of others.
Be Flexible – Perfectionists can come across as micromanagers or over-controlling –which can be difficult when working with others. Rigid thinking coupled with unrealistic expectations can lead to broken relationships, isolation/depression – even premature death due to stress. Everyone is human, and that means everyone makes mistakes. The more flexible and tolerant you can be with yourself and others in light of these imperfections, the happier, more stress-free life you can lead.
Prioritize Importance – It can be easy for perfectionists to get caught up in the minutia of a task, so taking time out to look at the bigger picture, asking “Will this make a difference in the long run?”, can help keep projects on track and completed in a timely manner.
Overcoming perfectionism is about taking action and continuously moving forward on a goal, no matter how small. It’s also about giving it your best, and allowing your best to be “good enough” – without harsh judgment. In the end, perfectionism is about surrendering control so that you can go with the flow and enjoy the journey.